A report from the Chinese state news agency Xinhua has confirmed that China’s mission to the moon hasn’t found a single scrap of evidence that Americans were ever there.
Photographs of the lunar surface taken while the ‘Jade Rabbit’ probe was in orbit and further investigations on the ground have now been analysed and show that areas where US landings were thought to have taken place reveal a surface untouched by man, and no sign of any golf activity whatsoever.
‘They were never there at all,’ said baffled Chinese Foreign Minster, Wang Yi, ‘All those conspiracy theories about Americans making stuff up to make themselves look good turn out to be true. And we would never have known if it weren’t for the glorious People’s Lunar probe of China re-writing history and putting the record straight.’
중국 신화통신은 뉴스보도를 통해서 중국 달탐사대가 미국측의 증거를 전혀 발견하지 못했다는 사실을 확인했다. 미국은 아폴로 11호를 포함해 달표면에 착륙했다고 주장했던 것이다.
사진에서 뵈는 것처럼 "제이드 래빗" (옥토끼)이라는 탐사체는 달궤도상이나 표면상에서 촬영한 증거사진을 갖고서 미국측이 착륙했다고 주장하는 코스에 대한 심도높은 조사를 했는데 해당지역의 표면에 인간이 닿았다는 것이 없었으며 또 미 우주인이 골프를 쳤다는 증거가 없다고 한다.
중국외교부장 왕이는 말하길, "미국 우주인이 이곳에 전혀 없었으며, 그간의 미국인이 달표면에 착륙했다는 보도가 스스로 꾸며낸 것이라는 음모이론의 모든 것이 사실로 판명되었다" 고 주장했다. 그는 "우리가 이것이 인류의 달착륙의 영광스런 순간이라고 결코 생각해본 적이 없었지만, 미국이 달에 왔던 것이 아니라면 중국은 역사를 다시 써야만 하며, 기록을 올바르게 수정해야 한다" 고 말했다.
The findings were even more disappointing for the scientists who created the probe. They had equipped Jade Rabbit with special cutting tools for shredding any American flags it found and replacing them with China’s own. Special legs were also fitted so that the rover could sidle up to remnants of any American spacecraft and kick it and kick it and kick it in the most contemptuous manner possible.
‘We thought, well, what were they going to do, they’d have to send a mission to go back and replant them, surely?’ Mr Yi added. ‘Our policy was simple: all they would have to do was ask us to lend them the money to do it. And then we’d say no. Ha ha ha ha ha! Pig dogs! It’s such a shame that we won’t now get the chance to HUMILIATE them again.’
The Chinese lunar programme is set to accelerate, Mr Yi confirmed. ‘We are building a space centre in the Gobi desert, with a mission control room, astronaut training and a massive sound stage made to look like the moon from where our fake landing will be broadcast to the world in 2016,’ he stated, completely oblivious to the fact that he may have given too much away and will probably be shot in the morning.
White House press secretary Jay Carney refused to comment, but was heard muttering under his breath that ‘those bastards will copy anything’.
------------------------------------
사라랜스
nabool